A Pantoum of Pain

My mental health is like

Juggling chainsaws

Which of these pills will help or hinder

Always two steps forward, one back

.

Juggling chainsaws

Can you appreciate the struggle?

Always two steps forward, one back

The needle keeps skipping the record

.

Can you appreciate the struggle?

Barely keeping my head above water

The needle keeps skipping the record

And the sound, the sound, degrades each time

.

Barely keeping my head above water

I am screaming for help

And the sound, the sound, degrades each time

I feel like I am being choked out

.

I am screaming for help

And they give it to me

I feel like I am being choked out

But they are trying to pull away fingers.

.

And they give it to me

In the forms of therapy and friendship

But they are trying to pull away fingers

And sometimes, I grasp harder.

another morning of malcontent

aren’t you tired by now?

doesn’t it get old?

feel it, don’t feel it

Either way it will be there

Pain. Loneliness. Heartache.

Internalize it for once, maybe

Will it save me?

I wanted to get off this ride this morning

Heartburn and suffering

Suffocation of the self

And there is the resignation

That sigh in the voice that says

“I am done, but I can’t be done.

For I have so much longer still to walk.”